Bursitis.... not JUST for athletes

SOOOOOOOO yeah... it has been a while since I've written. You might think it is because I have totally gotten on the ball; going jogging every day, lifting weights, doing 200 crunches, making salads and quinoa casseroles with brussell sprouts, but you would be TOTALLY WRONG. So let's take it back a few weeks...

Tbill's daycare was closed before Labor Day, and I had to take a couple days off. I decided to bring him to work to visit everyone because he hadn't been there since he was a wee baby. I bring him in, everyone "ooooh" and "aaaaaahhhs" over him. He gets super amped up and decides to start running all around. I chase after him. I don't want to sound like a hippo stampede, so I run on my toes, much like a graceful gazelle. Giselle? The deer, not the model. Anyway, as I am flittering about like a butterfly on my toes, I get a sudden sharp pain in my heel, and it hurts. Bad. For over a week. So I finally get into the doctor and I am informed that I have Achilles Tendonitis and Bursitis in my right foot. She asked me if I was a runner and I looked at her with a totally blank stare and said "Seriously? you think THIS runs... like, at all?" Well, apparently Bursitis is usually from being overused. Except in my case, where I'm thinking it was caused by under-use with a sudden unexpected use, if that makes sense. What I'm saying is my body is rejecting exercise. That is the ONLY explanation that makes sense (to me). She told me it can take up to three months to heal, I have to wear these hard plastic inserts in all my shoes and do all these stretches. Basically, it is just annoying. I can still get some exercise in, but to be honest, I haven't done any because I am lazy. When I get done with work, I just want to go home. I have absolutely no motivation to go to the gym after work and even LESS once I get home. This is really something I need to incorporate into my day, but let's face it... it is SOOO much easier to not incorporate it. So, that is something I need to work on. That and not drinking a bottle of wine a night.

Now, here is another issue: my goals of losing weight and my food board on Pinterest are in direct odds with eachother. I know I should be pinning the quinoa salads and 50 Ways to Prepare Talapia, but instead, I pin things like "Slutty Brownies" and "S'more Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies". Of course, I'm now sitting at my desk like Homer Simpson drooling at the thought of cookies. And Pizza.  And here is my new brown hair. Okay, bye.

The Good, The Bad and the Pizza

Okay, so when I started writing again, it was because I wanted to keep myself accountable. I figured maybe if I had to show other people what I was going through, I would be more likely to stick with this whole new "lifestyle change" I'm supposed to be doing. But... it is HARD. It is SO FLIPPEN HARD. I read all these weight loss blogs of these incredible women who have changed their lives... and yet, I cannot go one week without pizza. Maybe my issue is that I should have started blogging when I was well on my way. Maybe then it would have been somewhat inspirational! Instead, I feel like I am confessing my sins over and over. 

Soooo... on Thursday, I had a REALLY bad sinus headache. It felt migrainey, but just on one side of my face. None of the medication I took was working, so I did what I do when nothing else is working... I decided to have a cocktail or three. Well, I don't really drink that much anymore, so sometimes I forget how much it can lower my inhibitions, especially when it comes to food. So since I was pretty much drunk town when Ehee got home, he decided to pick up McDonalds for dinner. Well, after I ate my entire dinner, I apparently decided it wasn't enough... so I stole Ehee's french fries, ate half of Trevor's nuggets, and then helped myself to more booze. I felt HORRIBLE about myself the next day. I felt like I was a disgusting human being... when I binge like that I fully hate myself after, yet I continue to do it. For example... today I went to my friend's son's 1st birthday and the nacho bar. I tried to be good... I don't think I was horrible. But, the pizza I just ate for dinner pretty much topped out the evening. Who DOES THAT?? I'll tell you who does that... people on their way to being 678 lbs and fused to their couch. People who have whipped cream running through their veins.

I wish there was some easy fix. I wish that I could just say... okay, I'm DONE with this and actually follow through. I wish when I saw CARBS I didn't go into a shark like frenzy. I wish when I saw a bottle of wine, I didn't go into a piranha type frenzy... you know, like when they see a cow crossing the river, or giant DD boobs floating at Lake Havasu.

So I will end this on a positive note. There have been some good things this week... for example, I got to the gym twice and actually worked out HARD. Hard enough where I felt light headed and shaky afterwards. I also ate pretty well the rest of the week. It's just hard to see the good when I feel so much guilt about the bad. So on that note, I am going to go sit down and read my new In-Style magazine and look at all the amazing fashions that I cannot afford, nor can I fit into them. YET!!! I will get there... eventually.

Setback... and then another setback

Setback #1: I went camping this past weekend with some family and friends and had a GREAT time. The set back being of course, that while camping, I ate camping food. Hot dogs, cheesy eggs with hash browns and apple sausage, beer! I definitely was not as bad as I could have been, but the scale was still THREE lbs heavier this morning than it was last week. I will have to get my butt back into gear to get it off again. Blah. The good news is, Ehee is now on board with this whole "healthier" lifestyle because he wants to lose weight too. That means there will be less temptation around the house from now on!

Setback #2: As you may recall, I have two sons. The 16 year old is known to get into some trouble and has been staying with his dad for the past year and a half to try to get him on the right track. Things have been a lot better between us since the move... that is, until this past weekend. Tmoney didn't go camping with us because I was told he was supposed to work. So when we left on Thursday night, we made sure everything was locked up, the windows were closed and locked and that the sliding glass door was locked and had the bolt screwed in. We waved goodbye to our house and went on our way. Camping ensued.

We returned on Sunday afternoon and everything seemed normal. That is, until I noticed the empty soda can on the shelf next to the arm chair. This raised my suspicions a bit as #1, we don't really drink a lot of soda, and #2, it was ORANGE soda. There is only ONE person in my house who drinks ORANGE soda. The next thing I noticed is that the front door is locked, but not latched up at the top which I KNOW was latched when we left. So, being an ex-stalker as well as just a nosey person, I started thinking... "if I was a teenage boy, and my parents were out of town, what would I do"? So, I decided to check the computer to see if there were any weird sign ins on Facebook. Sure enough, I open it and it is already logged into someone's page. However, it wasn't Tmoney's, it was his friend's. Now, this friend is not someone I want Tmoney hanging around with. He is a known thief (including stealing Tmoney's bike from our house last year), he has a probation officer, he is a known pot dealer AND all his photos on facebook are of him drinking. Since this brainiac left his FB logged in at our house, I decided to go in and start reading his direct messages. Sure enough, I see the invite to a beer pong tournament AT MY HOUSE! Not only was there a beer pong tournament being set up, but apparently there was to be a weed extravaganza. Thankfully the plans never came to fruition because his dad wouldn't let him stay out later than 10 pm (he was supposed to be at his friend's house), but had he extended his curfew, apparently my house would have hosted a really lame teenage party.

I called his father and let him know everything that was going on and then I informed Tmoney that he is no longer welcome at our home when nobody is home (which, of course he is telling people that we disowned him. He is more dramatic than a teenage girl). He lost his chance to go back to Woodward West for the All-Stars week, he lost his cell phone and Internet privileges and I told him I would no longer pay for his online course to get his Learner's Permit.

I get him wanting to come over and even throw a party. Eighties movies were based on parties when parents leave... the thing that REALLY gets me is that he not only had that loser IN my house, but now that loser knows how to break into my house very easily. Needless to say, Ehee is beefing up security and we're looking into ADT. 

So that is my post for the week. I'm back on the wagon and hoping I can lose these stupid 3 lbs, and hoping I can make it through the next week without choke slamming a certain 16 year old. Wish me luck!!

People at work...

So here is a funny tidbit about my life at work. I work directly next to a woman who I would guess is in her late 50's to early 60's. She is known around the office for her blunt honesty and always thinking of the worst case scenarios. For example, my friend's hand was tingling... it wasn't because it was asleep or there was a pinched nerve, this woman insisted that my friend had MS. She's just that type of gal!

So as I previously mentioned, I am a bit on the chunky side and unfortunately, I carry most of my weight in my stomach. So one day, I am sitting there, working hard (or Facebooking, one of those) minding my own business when she says "Jennifer, can I ask you something?" and I replied "sure" assuming it was work related. It wasn't. Below is a recap of our conversation. She will be "C" for Crazy or Co-worker. You decide:

C: Jennifer, can I ask you something?
Me: Sure, what's up?
C: Have you been gaining weight?
Me: Uhhhhh, yes. Thank you for noticing.
C: Are you gaining weight because you are pregnant?
Me: Ummmm, nooooooooo. I'm just fat. But again, thank you for noticing.
C: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I'm pretty sure. As a matter of fact, I should be starting my period at literally, any moment.
C: But you haven't started yet?
Me: No, but trust me.. it's coming.
C: I think you might be.
Me: Even if I WAS pregnant, I wouldn't be at the stage where I"m showing. Trust me, I'm just fat.

(note: this conversation went on for literally ten minutes at work, in the middle of our office, where we have cubicles, so anyone within 10 ft of us could here this entire conversation)

C: Well I'm just thinking that if you ARE pregnant, it would be fun to celebrate.
Me: Yes, well that would be fun.. except I am NOT pregnant, unless I am pregnant with a burrito which is what I had for lunch. I AM JUST FAT!

She didn't come back into the office for a week, which was just as well, because I couldn't decide if I should just laugh it off, or break her old ass hip. In the end, I decided to laugh it off, but I've decided to make sure to tell her how TIRED she looks come the holidays.

One week down...

So I made it through the first week of being "healthy"... or as healthy as I can be. I will admit, I have had a few cheats here and there, but for the most part, I've been good. It started off last Monday with me making a super yummy pasta with olive oil, garlic, chicken and cherry tomatoes. Tuesday was also pretty good, although not as good as Monday's meal. The real problem was on Wednesday.

On Wednesday I decided to make a top sirloin and cauliflower "mashed potatoes". So I found a recipe off a website that had a ton of great reviews. Everyone talked about how it basically tasted JUST like cheesey mashed potatoes. I was very excited and had high expectations. I will say, they did LOOK just like cheesey mashed potatoes... same consistency and everything, but they didn't TASTE ANYTHING like mashed potatoes!! I sort of choked it down because I was trying to like it. Ehee took one bite and his entire face changed. He ran to the garbage can and spit it out. He asked me what the HELL that was he just put in his mouth. I told him what it was, laughing of course. He was pretty pissed! hahahaha... apparently he thought they were potatoes and was not expecting the flavor!. I asked him if he pretended they were cheesey grits if he would be able to eat them. He replied that they taste like cheesey grits that 85 sailors jacked off into. Now I'm not sure what that would taste like, but I can imagine it is NOT very good. So, for now... I will not be making those again any time soon. I think next time I'll just try to roast them or steam them.

Thursday, we were supposed to have pork tenderloin, but it was way too friggen hot in our house to have the oven on. So instead, I made homemade pizzas which turned out to be the BOMB. I will DEFINITELY make that again! Maybe someday, I'll get out of the late 1990's with my flip phone and actually get a fancy phone where I can upload some of the pictures of the food I make. But whatever, for now... you will just have to dream about my delightful pizzas.

Friday was pretty good foodwise, but then Saturday was AWFUL. I woke up to fresh coffee and a DOZEN DONUTS on the counter. I decided that Saturday could be my cheat day and helped myself to a donut. Then, a chicken burrito with no sourcream. Then, a burger and fruit. Then, a slice of ice cream cake (it was my niece's bday, I couldn't say no!). By yesterday I was back on the wagon and being good so I decided to be brave and weigh myself in this morning. -4 lbs! I was happy, but at the same time, I know it is mostly water because the last time I weighed myself was two days before I was supposed to get my monthly visit. SO... 4 lbs is 4 lbs, I'll be happy and just hope that I can do something similar for next week!

So I'm done rambling for now. Someday I hope to make this coherent so people will actually read and understand what I'm talking about. But for now, it's enough that I know what I'm talking about.

Turns out it is a burrito... and pancakes, sausage, beer, pizza and nachos

Wow. It has really been a long time since I last updated. So long, in fact, that the entire format of this blog has changed and I have no idea what I'm even looking at! I hope this gets posted.

So, what do you do when your cholesterol blood test basically tells you that your blood is made of bacon grease and buttercream? Well... you have to do a "lifestyle change". I would never ever ever EVER post my weight or fat pictures of myself (I have way too much fear that one of my ex-boyfriends would see it and then fall out of love with me, cuz I know they ALL still want me). However... I will post my current stats:

Cholesterol = 388 (yikes!)
Triglyceride = 237 (again, yikes)
LDL = 247 (holy sh*t!)

I will also say that according to my BMI, I am "overweight". Yes, I am chunky, not quite obese, but apparently I have the blood of a person who eats Krispy Kreme and McDonalds Big Macs daily. So, I thought I would start writing about my journey to try and get my numbers down. This will not be your average "weight loss" blog. I hate exercise, I hate vegetables, I like pizza and I am an asshole when people tell me I can't have something. Also, I'm a picky eater and I have never experimented with things like "quinoa" or "brown rice" or lasagnas made of veggies. I plan to be annoyed a lot.

I'm hoping I can stay focused and by writing my blog, stay somewhat accountable. I really don't want to be a 35 year old woman on 50 medications! My 90 year old grandfather is in better shape than me and that is just sad.

In conclusion.. wish me luck! And here is are a couple pictures of my kids because there is no way on EARTH I am going to post any of me!!!! Peace I'm outta here!