People at work...

So here is a funny tidbit about my life at work. I work directly next to a woman who I would guess is in her late 50's to early 60's. She is known around the office for her blunt honesty and always thinking of the worst case scenarios. For example, my friend's hand was tingling... it wasn't because it was asleep or there was a pinched nerve, this woman insisted that my friend had MS. She's just that type of gal!

So as I previously mentioned, I am a bit on the chunky side and unfortunately, I carry most of my weight in my stomach. So one day, I am sitting there, working hard (or Facebooking, one of those) minding my own business when she says "Jennifer, can I ask you something?" and I replied "sure" assuming it was work related. It wasn't. Below is a recap of our conversation. She will be "C" for Crazy or Co-worker. You decide:

C: Jennifer, can I ask you something?
Me: Sure, what's up?
C: Have you been gaining weight?
Me: Uhhhhh, yes. Thank you for noticing.
C: Are you gaining weight because you are pregnant?
Me: Ummmm, nooooooooo. I'm just fat. But again, thank you for noticing.
C: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I'm pretty sure. As a matter of fact, I should be starting my period at literally, any moment.
C: But you haven't started yet?
Me: No, but trust me.. it's coming.
C: I think you might be.
Me: Even if I WAS pregnant, I wouldn't be at the stage where I"m showing. Trust me, I'm just fat.

(note: this conversation went on for literally ten minutes at work, in the middle of our office, where we have cubicles, so anyone within 10 ft of us could here this entire conversation)

C: Well I'm just thinking that if you ARE pregnant, it would be fun to celebrate.
Me: Yes, well that would be fun.. except I am NOT pregnant, unless I am pregnant with a burrito which is what I had for lunch. I AM JUST FAT!

She didn't come back into the office for a week, which was just as well, because I couldn't decide if I should just laugh it off, or break her old ass hip. In the end, I decided to laugh it off, but I've decided to make sure to tell her how TIRED she looks come the holidays.