8 Months

Wow, I cannot believe how quickly time flies. It seems like just yesterday my little Piglet couldn't do anything except eat, sleep and poop. Now he is crawling all over the place, using the furniture (or dogs) to pull himself up to a standing position and he FINALLY has his first tooth. Next thing you know he'll be flipping me off when I close the door just like his lovely brother. I don't have much to say right now, but I just wanted to post a couple picture of my now 8 month old Piggy.

End of the day blog... short & sweet

Well this morning I took T-money to his first day of high school. It was crazy because I was thinking it would be no big deal. But, as I pulled up to the school I started getting nostalgic of my first day of high school and how fast it all goes; and then of course I was a mess. I cannot believe that my first baby is three and a half years away from being a legal adult. I cannot believe he is in the home stretch of his primary education and soon will be out in the real world. It really goes by in the blink of an eye. I can still remember him crawling all over me when I would sit on the floor with him, I can remember his CONSTANT crying from the colic he had for his first four months of life. I can remember all the times he would get SO excited that the garbage man was out front picking up our garbage. He would RUN to the front of the house as fast as he could, carrying his stanky blanket behind him and he would jump on the couch staring out the front window. "GARBAGE MAN! GARBAGE MAN!" he would yell. He would do the same thing when he would hear a motorcycle driving by. He would stop whatever he was doing and make a run for the front window: "MOTORGEEKLE" he would yell! And now the same little boy who would watch the sprinklers with the same fascination most children have watching fireworks, is a mini-man, starting off on a whole new adventure called "high school". I mean, if you think about it... you do so much growing and changing in those final four years. Hey, I started off being an innocent baby who had never even KISSED a boy in 9th grade to a knocked up wild child by the end of my senior year. Who knows what the next four years has in store for us. I can only hope that I can reign his little boney butt in and keep him on the right path.
I can honestly say that dropping him off this morning gave me the same bittersweet feelings I had dropping Piggy off for his first day of daycare. I was glad he was going and new it was what was best for him, but inside I know its the beginning of all these changes that I'm not ready for. That is all I have time to write right now, but I'll probably write more later, especially when I find out how his first week goes!

Where did I go?

So recently I read an article where a woman wrote about how now that she was 40, she no longer got cat-called by construction workers, she didn't get hit on at bars and when she looked in the mirror, she saw an image of her former self. She started calling herself "my formely hot self" which I thought was totally interesting because it is SO true. I, however, have a different problem. I'm sure when I'm in my 40s I will look back at my 20s as my formerly hot self, but for now, I just look back on my formerly FUN self.

This morning on my way to work, one of my favorite bands came on the radio from when I was in high school and it made me start thinking; what the heck happened to that girl? I can remember driving around in my dad's Mustang with the top down, smoking cigarettes (not that I miss that), singing at the top of my lungs without a care in the world. I was a rebel... a free spirit. I didn't care what people thought about me, I didn't listen to what others said about me. I was perfectly self-centered and unaware of the world going on around me. I went to strip clubs. I made out with girls in public. I got yelled at by mothers for cursing too much in front of their children. I ate Taco Bell every day for lunch and never gained a pound. Now all I can think of when I eat fast food is... "where is my pepcid?" or "how long do I have to workout burn off the calories in this friggen burger?"

So as I was driving, listening to the sounds of my youth, I began to wonder: when did I become the neurotic mess that I am today? Now I'm the (almost) middle aged woman hating teenagers because they are obnoxious and loud and rude. I'm the woman at the party shushing everyone because I don't want to upset the neighbors. I'm the designated driver. I'm the person who turns down the radio because I don't want to damage my children's hearing. I'm the party pooper. How did this happen? When did I make my final morph from a fun loving wild-child, to a neurotic crotchety old lady? WHEN DID THE FINAL TRANSFORMATION TAKE PLACE?? And here is another question: can I get any part of my youth back?

The fact is, the grouchy neurotic mess that I am today is NOT a fun person, and I am definitely not a fun wife or mom. Now I'm not saying I want to buy my kids beer and show them how to properly egg a house. I don't want them to see me on Girls Gone Wild or see me drink so much I am barfing in the guest room bathroom all night. But, I would like to be a mom who doesn't act like the domestic Hitler. I want my kids to be able to laugh with me and have fun times with me, without me trying to control everything they do. How do I re-learn that a little bit of trouble is okay? How do I reach back within myself and take a small piece of the fun girl I used to be?

I will ponder this as I finish listening to my Bad Religion CD on my Ipod, while I eat granola and start on my 64 oz of my daily water intake.