So Wilbur aka Tbill aka Piggy Pudding has officially passed the six month mark. I always said I would breastfeed until at least six months and then I'd be DONE. Well, here we are and Wilbur is showing no signs of wanting to get off the boob. However, with my new diet and exercise program (I will get to that later) my body really isn't producing very much anymore. Basically I have to eat way more to keep it up, which defeats the purpose of the boot camp I joined and any sort of diet. So now of course I feel like I'm being a selfish a-hole if I stop breastfeeding for my own vanity. But really, I would like my body back. I mean, it belonged to him for OVER a year now. I don't drink, I watch everything I put in my mouth because it affects him directly, and I get up a half hour earlier just so I can pump. I love the bonding time it gives us, but last night he nursed for an hour when I got home and an hour before bed because I don't think I was producing enough for him. Ugh. As fun as that may sound... wait, it doesn't even SOUND fun!
Why is this such a difficult decision for me? Why is everything about parenting really about how much guilt you can live with? If I stop breastfeeding will he rob a bank? If I get the wrong bath tub will he become a drug dealer? If I don't get him organic baby food, will he grow a shark's fin? Like I'm really concerned that if I stop, he'll think I don't love him anymore or something... however that's like saying to the people who had trouble breastfeeding and had to go directly to the bottle, that their babies never bonded with them which is absolutely ridiculous. This is too much guilt for me right now. I shall eat a piece of cake, hope the calories up my milk production and figure this out by the end of this week.
